It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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