I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
