if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
