i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
