We're facebook friends in real life
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
