i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
