So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
