why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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