Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
