So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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