Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
