Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize