i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
