She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
