who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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