Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
