dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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