oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
