Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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