he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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