I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
