you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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