Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
