I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
