Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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