just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well I just put wine in my tea
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
