Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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