WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
