I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize