i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
