I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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