dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I've blown a few things in my day
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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