I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
