I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
