I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
