Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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