I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
