He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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