Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
