hell yes lets make some ravioli
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
