I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
