Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
