She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize