Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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