oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
