I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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