just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
