She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
