That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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