Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
it hurts more in the daytime
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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