and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
