How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
