So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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