So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
