Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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