I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
