I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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