What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
