I'm really into asian looking animals
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
