i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
