before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
