You smell like stripper and shame
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
