a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
