he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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