What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
