who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
