I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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