I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
