it wasn't lemon gatorade
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
